So I decided to start a blog for myself. This is going to be my way to keep track of how I'm feeling with attempt to return to running after major injury + surgery. I probably should have started this when I initially got hurt, but alas, the mood is a bit better these days. If I started this when I first got my diagnosis, I might have depressed myself too much when I came back to read it later!
What started as a way to raise money in memory of our first daughter became a passion, an escape, a release. It also helped me to lose the last of said baby weight (from 2005 - ugh!), to eat better, and to sleep more soundly. I gained self-confidence. I learned to not be a wimp; I began to understand the difference between aches and real pain. Running helped me find solutions for the world's problems (okay, that may be a stretch... but I really did solve several small problems when I had a clear head on a long run!)
And to think, I utterly despised running when I was active duty military. Guess it took my tears of sadness becoming tears of joy at mile 12 of the New York City Half Marathon in 2011 to realize what running does for me on a cathartic level.
The last time I ran was December 29. It was a 10-mile easy run with Charlie in downtown Charleston. The weather was perfect, we were going along at a comfortable pace. And then... At around mile 7.5, I had caught my toe on the sidewalk, where there was a 2" gap. I went flying through the air, and all I remember is some insanely intense pain in my right hip. Turns out I had dislocated it. In the process of the femur head returning to its original home, it tore up the labrum (and also slid it forward out of position), plus caused additional other cartilage damage.
Today, I continue to have occasional nightmares and daytime flashbacks of what it was like when I fell (sometimes I really think I'm nuts).
I was told to take a month to rest and we would re-check the pain to see if PT alone might possibly be a solution (understand we did not understand the severity of the damage at this point - all the MRA showed was the tear). The pain did not subside at all so I requested to move the appointment up. Went back in and I was told that the earliest I could schedule surgery was at the end of March. What??? That far away??? (Now, this is because I have had the most amazing orthopedic surgeon. Lets just say he's a perfectionist in every sense of the word, and is very particular about when/where this surgery takes place; this surgery has only been performed in the United States for about 10 years arthoscopically. I was seeing the right guy.)
I became depressed, but in retrospect, it makes sense. I was in pain. I wasn't allowed to do much of anything other than lie on the couch. I couldn't drive so I was totally housebound except for appointments. I could barely do anything with my daughter or my husband. I watched my 4-year-old grow more and more frustrated with me. I was scared I'd lose my job by missing so much work. And I didn't know how we'd pay the bills (because let's face it, disability payments don't come close to your actual paycheck). And I had to wait two more months just to get it fixed?
But things got better.
Prayers were answered and on February 28, I had arthroscopic surgery to fix my hip. Yay for someone else's cancellation! I dealt with some intense pain that night in the hospital along with a few nasty side effects. But they didn't last long. And I've been a Physical Therapy machine since. My PT and orthopedic surgeon are both amazed with my progress. I have heard more than once from them that I am doing much better than I should be. Little do they truly understand how much of a rule-follower and determined perfectionist that I am. When my orders are to be 50% weight bearing, I take that literally. When PT tells me to do 30 dead-bugs (bizarre looking exercise) every day, not only do I do them, but I take notes on how they make me feel. Every day. I have a journal that is nothing but charting all of my daily exercises. I have never skipped an exercise. I am honest with my PT when something is too difficult, or too easy.
As of now I've nearly retired my crutches. I'm only supposed to use them when walking longer distances. I hope to be back to work in early May and I really hope to be cleared to begin running at that time. We have had immense support: over three weeks of meals provided early on... transportation to appointments... childcare help... phone calls and visits (and eventually lunches out too!)... a clean house (multiple times)... gift cards... a very understanding boss... and I can't even begin to explain how much my wonderful husband and daughter have helped me and each other through all of this. We have barely even touched our savings account, much less go in the red as I thought we would on disability (thanks to a lot of good advice on shopping smarter, and us learning how to be less spendy! The things we learn...) So many blessings.
So that's the last 3.5 months in a nutshell.
All this to say, I can't believe just how much I miss running. But I'll be back out there soon. I promise. That running gear won't be dusty for forever.
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